The situation at the North Pole has entered a dire state of emergency. Santa has been giving thousands of presents per year but never receiving income from them. Thus he loses magic creating them. But now he needs to be modern and just use money to save the North Pole. This system has been set to fail from the very start of Santa Clauses, and now we must react. The elf approval rating of Santa has set record highs at ninety percent. Elves always need to be kept happy or you won’t get any presents no matter what. We can’t let this Santa slip away from us because this will most likely never happen again; an after running it through our database you have a better chance of winning the lottery fifty days in a row. Santa Claus needs to get money because he will lose all his magic, causing him to die, for its appearance, and to boost his image.
Santa needs to be quickly brought up to speed on the history of commerce. Long, long ago when there was no money, not even coins people would have to barter. Bartering is when you give someone an object for an object, basically a trade. Then people decide they didn’t like that way, it was too hard to have equal trades so they invented the coins. It started out where certain metal discs were worth however much their weight was worth. I’m not going to bore you with the details of the evolution of coins for they changed very much and many financial laws were created. China invented the first note more commonly called the bill or cash. This was more simple than having to weigh coins and easier to keep. Checks also came into existence, where you could write on a piece of paper however much the price was in one piece of paper instead of many bills, very snazzy. Also pieces of plastic were invented, more commonly known as debit and credit cards. A debit card automatically takes the money out of your account which holds all your money for your debit card. While a credit card makes purchases but you just have to pay at the end of the month, which is so convenient. Also during Santa’s busy months of November and December he won’t have to pay that much or none at all! All that will happen is Santa will get a certain percent of the money added to your total left, a teensy weensy percentage, which is definitely worth it!
Once Santa gets this money I know Santa will be dying to know more about it. First the sound, the sound is just delightful like a flawless musical performance. When snapped it back and forth it makes a nice, satisfying whipping sound. Rubbing it back and forth creates just music to your ears, there’s no other way to describe it. It makes you feel like a king. The look of it just puts delight in any eyes its grass green color combined with sandy tan is just a masterpiece. The feel of money is silk, so smooth and lush you have to adore the feel. Never can it be compared with those nasty, metal coins. Also if Santa wants to feel hip, he can say the other cool words for money. Like moolah, dough, Franklins, bucks, big ones, green, and many more. Santa will always be the coolest at the North Pole if he says these. Oh the size, it’s so perfect thinner than paper, lighter than air, and fits perfectly into any hand, no strain at all its all comfort. Where can this money be used though? The answer is simple, everywhere there’s not any single place money or a handy piece of plastic can’t or won’t be taken.
Santa will use this money to purchase shiny iPads, iPods, Xboxes, and other fancy gadgets and toys without wasting your magic power. This will keep Santa alive, elves will work happier, and all will be great in the North Pole. This is all based off our plan our plan for greatness. It’s the best of both worlds, we all win. This is how it will all work. We will be Santa’s bank, marketer, and friend. Together, we can keep the North Pole in tip top shape, but only with this plan. Now every parent will pay Santa anywhere from one hundred or more dollars. Then with that money Santa’s elves will buy stuff based off their wish list and how much money they give you. Now Santa will finally be modernized and also can earn some dough, moolah, etc. The parents will jump on this, they don’t have to buy presents, wait in those nasty lines. Parents will beg Santa to take their hard earned cash. Also the kids will love it; they are a pretty big part of the picture. They’ll love their flashy presents. This is the stuff right here, a once in a lifetime offer that will fix everything. Making an almost perfect north pole and make it even better.
We have run hundreds of simulations and each one makes Santa a billionaire giving him more money to buy cool gifts. With that much money you can buy cool cars, a heated pool, and anything you want. So this is what we’ll do, since Santa hasn’t ever had a credit card we will put one billion on his credit card, with only a thirty percent interest rate on his loan. As hard as this is for us to do we know you need money and we’ll be happy to start you up! Santa has been forced to go from a magical charity that made kids happy. Changing into a capitalist company buying presents for kids to make them happy. Even though this is depressing, bear with it for it will make all of our lives better and easier.
By: Ike
Watches
Is a watch some fancy gadget that looks nice on your wrist with no purpose? They come in many different sizes, shapes, colors, and types. Also those moving hands must serve a purpose.A masquerade of gaudy rings and bracelets looks at you as if begging you to take them with you. Then the necklaces and earrings that do not seem to notice you as you walk past. Finally the humble watches sit in their glass case, hands always moving steadily, not to fast not to slow, keeping time to get you to that meeting on time. Once you enter into a sporting goods store and go past the tents, sleeping bags, and backpacks, suddenly you run across a rowdy tangle of sport watches. Rough and tough is what they are. They look up at you each seeming to tell you its benefits. Their faces protected by bars of metal.
In the jewelry store, in the sport store all the watches cry out their virtues. “I am water resistant up to twenty feet,” says one. Another says, “Take me to a party you will be complemented on my good looks.”
“No, No,” cries another, “Look at my numbers instead of hands and my buttons; I am most definitely the watch for you.”
The last question is what kind watch will you get? It may be analog or digital blue or green. It may have many features or just one or two. The choice is yours, chose carefully.
By: Josh
Ever wonder what cars are thinking? Probably not. That’s because most cars are really good at hiding their feelings. There is one car however that, if you closely enough, you can tell exactly what it’s thinking.
This car is the mini-van. It resents the humans for the whale like body they bestowed upon it. They have even begun to refer to each other as Land Whales and grumble and mumble together as often as possible.
At stoplights, as they wait for the light to turn green, the mini-vans complain about all the injustices the humans have inflicted upon them. They say,” Why don’t the humans carry us around for a change?” They think it is terribly unfair.
They especially despise humans with young offspring. Small children are forever spilling things on the poor mini-vans’ precious carpet. Then the parents don’t even bother to clean up the mess!
In fact, the mini-van has had its last straw, it will not put up with anymore from these inconsiderate humans. They plot their escape even as we speak. So whenever your mini-van refuses to start or the door gets stuck, you know that’s your Land Whale’s subtle way of saying,” No more!”
By: Olivia
COFFEE SOUNDS
WHEN YOU WAKE UP IN THE MORNING, WHAT DO YOU NORMALLY HEAR: COFFEE BREWING, DOG BARKING, AND YAWNING? YOU NORMALLY HEAR COFFEE BREWING THE SIZZLE OF IT FINISHING, THE POP NOISE OF IT COMING OUT OF THE MACHINE INTO THE CUP, THE CLINKING SOUND WHEN TWO MUGS HIT IN CELEBRATION, OR THE SIPPING OF ONE PERSON GETTING CLOSE TO THE HOT COFFEE UPON THEIR LIPS. THE SLURPING OF ONE PERSON SLOWLY TASTING IT. THE SOUND AND SMELL OF FRESH HOT COFFEE IS A LOT TO SAY.
FRESH BEANS SMELL SO GOOD, LIKE STRONG VANILLA. YOU GRIND UP THE COFFEE BEANS UNTIL IT’S REALLY FINE LIKE DUST. YOU STICK IT IN THE MACHINE AND ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS PUSH A BUTTON. IT STARTS. YOU HEAR IT SLOWLY FILLING THE CUP. IT’S LIKE THE SOUND OF WATER FALLING SLOWLY, GETTING INTO THAT ROUND MUG.
AS YOU BEGIN TO SUCK IT UP WITH ONE BIG GULP, IT MAKES A STRANGE SOUND LIKE A GLUG. THE LITTLE SIPS ARE LIKE A KISSING SOUND. ANOTHER COFFEE SOUND WOULD BE WHEN YOU SLAM THE MUG DOWN AND HEAR SWISH, SWISH, AND SWISH.
MAYBE YOU HEAR THE DROPPING OF SUGAR INTO THE COFFEE: DUMP, DUMP. THE SPOON STIRRING THE CREAM AND SUGAR: SCREECH, SCRIRCH, AND SCRAP. AND MAYBE THE SOUND OF IT GOING TOO HIGH AND SPILLING ON THE FLOOR. SLISH, SPLAT, SPLASH.
THESE ARE THE MANY SOUNDS OF COFFEE.
By: Rachel
